March 5, 2010 by Lipstick Bullet
![[aww5.jpg]](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LxzCyq5MgWo/SjGFaWrVMJI/AAAAAAAAAZI/bxK7zmP9jX0/s1600/aww5.jpg)
Multiple calls each day because he cares, or no calls each day just to keep you keen. Body of an Olympic swimmer, face of a God AND your dads approval. Orgasms off the Ritcher Scale coupled with more clever conversation than even Aristotle would care for. You sigh as think of how sickening kind his self-sacrifcing ways are. However you find yourself wondering why you feel an overwhelming urge to punch him straight in the face every time he looks (gushingly) in your direction. One morning while he’s still asleep, you take a good look at him and have an epiphany. There and then it dawns on you: he doesn’t make you laugh, not even giggle. Your options are obviously limited. Do you plauge yourself with guilt for demanding such high mental maintaince? Since no man is perfect, should you count your blessings and be happy to settle for a humourless relationship? Or do you hit the road in search of merriment and mirth?
Words Kesi Charles
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February 26, 2010 by Mischa
Way before Jigga preached ‘all black everything’ I was a firm advocate that black clothing triumphed over every other colour, in particular white. Let’s face it, there is nothing more tragic than a man in a white suit. (Except, a man in a white suit with white Velcro strapped, rubber soled shoes complete with white bow tie AND white bandana. Unfortunately I was forced to witness such a ghastly sight just recently). Ladies are equal offenders too. White Polyester (or Viscose) trousers complete with Visible Panty Line is not sexy or cool. However the problem with white clothing transcends tack. It’s the ever present problem of dingy, greying, yellow whites that really pisses me off. So much so that I aim to single-handedly eradicate it from the fabric of society!
The amount of dingy white offenders is huge. No matter how much style you think you’re popping, if your white tee is a light shade of grey, or your white bra is ever so slightly yellow, you need to re-evaluate your life. If you are unaware, then let me kindly inform you: the sight of discoloured white clothing is highly offensive! It conjures up the same sense of repulsion that guys with long finger nails or girls with muffin tops do.
So, how can you prevent yourself from such scorn? It begins with the sorting of your laundry. Only lazy, good for nothing, undomesticated scallywags shove everything into the washing machine at once. Any lady worth her Goddess stripes (equally any man too) knows that there is an art to washing. When you wash a white load it is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL that you do not put ANY other coloured clothing into the machine. No marl, no baby pink, no white tops with big bright logos.
Once your machine is loaded, in goes two scoops of Vanish, three Persil tablets and lots of fabric conditioner (Lenor is my preference). Next put your cycle to wash on a minimum of 60 degrees and if you’re a dangargan (like myself) you’ll throw in a Glo White parcel for that extra bling blang gleam!
Although I believe London has turned into Narnia and the Sun is a thing of the past, a few optimistic suckers have informed me that 2010 will bring… ‘the hottest Summer since records began’ (excuse me while I roll my eyes). If by the beard of Zeus they are correct, then spare a little thought for the others this year and keep your grubby clothing clean. Thank you.
Words Kesi C
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February 25, 2010 by Mischa
Abbey Lee Kershaw
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February 15, 2010 by Mischa
I love Burt Bacharach. Some days its romantic love, other times I wish he was my granddad, but on most occasions I want nothing more than to be a close friend and question him for hours about his extraordinary art. Unfortunately Burt is 82 and therefore the chance of an amorous/intimate encounter, or even a platonic friendship is slim to none. His music however is a trustworthy staple in my life. On the days my ears crave complex melodies, stunning rhythmic patterns and a whole lotta love, Burt is hard to beat!
Not intending to insult anyone’s intelligence, but if you’re scratching your head wondering who on Earth this old white man is, then let me remind you of a few of his hits: ‘Magic Moments’, ‘Wives and Lovers’, ‘You’ll Never Get to Heaven (If You Break My Heart)’, ‘The Look of Love’, ‘Walk On By’, ‘Do You Know the Way to San Jose’ and of course the infamous ‘(They Long to Be) Close To You’. Genius in its purest form.
At a time when heavy basslines and distortion dominate most of the shit coming out of my speakers, Bacharach (ironically) offers a refreshing alternative to the ‘alternative’.
Words by Kesi Charles
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February 15, 2010 by Mischa
It’s time Warhol got updated.
“In the future we will all have our fifteen minutes megabytes of fame”
Someone should have told Thug-Angel to keep her fifteen ’seconds’ fresh, unlike this:
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